I'm pretty sure that every female up and down the country, actually screw that, up and across the world, has the same mental issue, come the summer season... WEIGHT/FEELING LIKE A WHALE/ FLAABBBBB!! Oh the dreaded cellulite (that doesn't even exist in most cases), the stretch marks, the hairy legs and unpainted toenails! The uber flubber in unsightly places, rolling over your jeans, thus exposed by your crop top, as it's too flipping HOT to wear anything sensible!
Of course we all have this issue. Who wouldn't? Kate Moss maybe, but she's the exception and invented skinny so she can p**s off really!
Summer, I've decided, is another excuse for men to gawp at the females species, and of course their 'assets', therefore making us feel more dorky and uncomfortable than usual, and wish that we'd wacked out the razor before wearing that skirt... had we have realised you'd stare so closely then we would have tried a little harder to not look like a man in drag.
I've also decided that summer is THE reason ALL (normal and not size 0) women decided that now is the perfect time to trim down.
After all, who wants to be lying on the beach, feeling the main attraction... A.K.A the washed up whale and all of man kind, greenpeace included, are concerned for your health.
So, we diet. We exercise. We cut down our portions. We try all treatments under the sun that are apparently destined to shed those pounds, but actually add weight in the amount of crap that is smeared on your body.
Do they work... no! Yes we know they don't, but there is always a glimmer of hope that they might.
The diets never EVER work... trust me, I've been trying for the last 72 hours with no success. I swear I have no self control, I'm eating salad for lunch and dinner (and breakfast? too far) and crappy crunchy nut for breakkie, hoping that this alone will help me shed some weight, or at least tone the flubber ready for the Greek sunshine in 4 weeks, and 5 days time (I'm not counting down or anything!)Actually it's not, all it's doing is making put on less, more weight... get it?
In fact, mid-blog I have left my house to go to my place of work (a restaurant) for 2 reasons...
1. To see one of my best friends and try and cheer her up because her boyfriend is a complete LOSER and being a tosser to her (dramatic times... yet this is another story)
2. To eat fatty food together to aid the cheering up... FOOD IS LOVE! We love it! Let's not neglect our womanly 'needs' now ladies.
So that exercise that I did 2 days ago... running for 3 miles / trying to run and ending up walking then jogging, then running, whilst looking like a hayfever victim on coke, with sweaty puffy eyes and smelling of ball bags in front of many people in broad daylight, which resulted in me having THE MOST PAINFUL thigh muscles known to man-kind (everytime I walk, stand up, sit down, bend, brake when driving... I WANT TO SCREAM!!!), wasn't even worth it... I just ate 1000 calories in one oh-so-scrumptious sitting, so what is the actual point!?
Why is that us female species commit ourselves to something we know is nigh on impossible to stick to in the first place?
Well, we wanna look like we've tried...
Hello summer sun.
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
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