Today has been sooo 'interesting'.
I've literally wasted this whole 24 hours of my life. I haven't left my house since about half past twelve, and that was only for 15 minutes to pop down to the shop for a pot noodle, feel like a complete and utter socially retarded loser with no friends and no boyfriend!
I know, I know, I broke up with him therefore I shouldn't be feeling so down about things, but I really am... I'm sort of craving that closeness again (or maybe just a little male attention, which through my own fault, I am not receiving!).
Today was supposed to be my first date as a single lady... you guessed it, I didn't go! Woops a daisy!
Okay, I didn't exactly stand him up, but I do feel awful! I agreed to go out with said guy up until last night, when I cleverly decided that a touch of facebook stalking wouldn't do any harm, you know, check out what I'm letting myself in for, check his interests, see if we have any the same, check out the situation with the laaadiiiees, is he a total player and going to string me along ("why hasn't he called!?") or is he actually a nice guy who is geniunally interested in me?
I think he was the latter, but unfortunatly THANK GOD FOR FACEBOOK STALKING!!
Yuck.
That's all I can say!
It's funny how good looking somebody becomes when you've had a few too many cocktails, Cosmopolitan's and Raspberry Miss Charlotte's of course, with your girlfriends! I remember meeting him and thinking, WOW... I actually love his hair. I remember this blonde wavy beaut' of a hair do, thought he was a bit surfer, a bit sexy and styled... checked him out on facebook,
TOTAL MOP
I remember thinking he smelled really nice... checked on facebook...
it was most likely the smell of dirty student boy who hasn't washed for three days... in his pictures he looks like he has had a freakin' shower!
So unnattractive
Call me shallow if you will, but that was reason enough for me not to go!
Safely and wisely, I had suggested a lunch date, this is prior to my facebook stalking, you know, to keep myself in the 'friend zone' ... for now until I could figure him out and see what he would find most attractive, so I could dress myself up all nice for the next date, which would obviously be a dinner date to some swanky sexy restaurant so I could wear my highest, sky-scraping stilletos that could walk all over the hearts of men everywhere... they are v. v. sexy and high (5 inches)they make me look so tall with loooooooong legs, like I should be in a Venus advert! ha!
Anyway, so yeah I suggested the lunch date, he said he would pick me up at 12, I agreed, blah blah blah, you know the score.
So, when I wake up this morning, I have a revelation... Why am I going out with this guy, who I'm sorry but is so not as attractive as I remembered, when I clearly do not want to go out with him? Why lead him along the garden path only to throw him in the pond once we reach the end?
What's the point? Yes, the free food would have been lovely, but the effort of making conversation, getting my boobs checked out every 5 minutes and pretending not to notice, then seeing some man who I would much rather jump at the chance to go out with whilst I'm sat with this loser, all seems a little too much for my frazzled girl mind to bear.
It's like I said before, sexual politics! I would have to adhere to rules and regulations of the dating Game, whilst trying to have a personality, not get on too well with him all to blow him off (not literally you scoundrel) by 3pm.
P, is for Pointless.
No thanks, I'd rather spend today doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself! :) woo hoo!
So, today I woke up at 7am, to text this guy and break the bad old news to him, so it looked like I'd actually slept on my decision, rather than facebook stalked him the night before and completely pinged (this means to see one thing about someone that is such a turn off you can't help but avoid them like the plague).
Did he reply... NOPE! Bruised ego much!?
This leads me to my point... I would have been soooo annoyed if that was me on the recieving end of that text, so why have I made one rule for myself and one for another!? It doesn't seem fair!
But that's when I realised, when your rejected, it's not actually anything too personal (most of the time.. in this case it was), it's just the ways of the Game. Play the Game, and you don't find yourself with a tub of Ben and Jerry's every weekend (it had better be Phish Food if you do though). Play the Game, and you will find yourself floating through the dating maze rather than trudging through the thick muddy crap that is the blokes you dated for the sake of it, for the 'practise'.
C'mon... we can afford to be picky! If we're/I'm gunna settle down, they had better be a good'un. Agreed? Good.
So yeah, I feel bad about saying no to him, and I feel crap about being single... today. But that's for the lack of male attention, not because it's crap to be single.
Tomorrow, I might not feel so bad. (I hope)
It makes me laugh how in the last month I've learnt so much about how this stupid Game works, you hope to roll a 6, and ending up rolling a 2... it's purely chance... so when your not expecting for your golden number to turn upwards, that's when it will appear!
Time to stop looking for it I think.
Back soon for more Tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
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