I'm pretty sure that every female up and down the country, actually screw that, up and across the world, has the same mental issue, come the summer season... WEIGHT/FEELING LIKE A WHALE/ FLAABBBBB!! Oh the dreaded cellulite (that doesn't even exist in most cases), the stretch marks, the hairy legs and unpainted toenails! The uber flubber in unsightly places, rolling over your jeans, thus exposed by your crop top, as it's too flipping HOT to wear anything sensible!
Of course we all have this issue. Who wouldn't? Kate Moss maybe, but she's the exception and invented skinny so she can p**s off really!
Summer, I've decided, is another excuse for men to gawp at the females species, and of course their 'assets', therefore making us feel more dorky and uncomfortable than usual, and wish that we'd wacked out the razor before wearing that skirt... had we have realised you'd stare so closely then we would have tried a little harder to not look like a man in drag.
I've also decided that summer is THE reason ALL (normal and not size 0) women decided that now is the perfect time to trim down.
After all, who wants to be lying on the beach, feeling the main attraction... A.K.A the washed up whale and all of man kind, greenpeace included, are concerned for your health.
So, we diet. We exercise. We cut down our portions. We try all treatments under the sun that are apparently destined to shed those pounds, but actually add weight in the amount of crap that is smeared on your body.
Do they work... no! Yes we know they don't, but there is always a glimmer of hope that they might.
The diets never EVER work... trust me, I've been trying for the last 72 hours with no success. I swear I have no self control, I'm eating salad for lunch and dinner (and breakfast? too far) and crappy crunchy nut for breakkie, hoping that this alone will help me shed some weight, or at least tone the flubber ready for the Greek sunshine in 4 weeks, and 5 days time (I'm not counting down or anything!)Actually it's not, all it's doing is making put on less, more weight... get it?
In fact, mid-blog I have left my house to go to my place of work (a restaurant) for 2 reasons...
1. To see one of my best friends and try and cheer her up because her boyfriend is a complete LOSER and being a tosser to her (dramatic times... yet this is another story)
2. To eat fatty food together to aid the cheering up... FOOD IS LOVE! We love it! Let's not neglect our womanly 'needs' now ladies.
So that exercise that I did 2 days ago... running for 3 miles / trying to run and ending up walking then jogging, then running, whilst looking like a hayfever victim on coke, with sweaty puffy eyes and smelling of ball bags in front of many people in broad daylight, which resulted in me having THE MOST PAINFUL thigh muscles known to man-kind (everytime I walk, stand up, sit down, bend, brake when driving... I WANT TO SCREAM!!!), wasn't even worth it... I just ate 1000 calories in one oh-so-scrumptious sitting, so what is the actual point!?
Why is that us female species commit ourselves to something we know is nigh on impossible to stick to in the first place?
Well, we wanna look like we've tried...
Hello summer sun.
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
Friday 25 June 2010
Tuesday 22 June 2010
"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
So, I know how ridiculously cheesey it can be to write a blog post about friendship or about love, but today has shown me that there are some things you just can't force or buy with some dolla'. You can't force people into being your friend, unless of course, your some kind of strange dictator who knows your a loner and forces people to be 'friends' with you so you won't kill them...
Anyway, you can't push people into liking you, and you can't create a friendship or connection just for the sake of it, it has to be genuine.
I sound like such a cheese ball but trust me on this, it's true.
I've worked in my current job, part time thank Jesus our Lord, for about 2 years now, alongside some amazing people! I've never met as many good friends from one place! Sometimes however, it can be hard to tell if these poeple are actually friends or if they are your 'friends'.
Definition of 'friends'... Basically nosy little fuc***s that you work with, who pretend to be interested in your personal day-to-day life, because they are lame, boring and have no real friends outside of the work place. They ask personal questions about your life, pretend they care, try to share their opinion with you and give you advice you never even asked for. They share this 'opinion' about your personal life with other 'friends' and together they form a group of 'friends'... a web of gossip if you will, that intrude and poke questions at you, when all you want to do is make your money and go again... with some free food of course ;) These people are not your genuine friends, when you move away or inevitably change jobs, they will be but a distant memory and will only keep in contact through cyber space, and again will comment on your holiday pictures saying things like, "babe... looking hot, we should meet up soon", and then of course you never do!
But anyway, this leads me to my focal point for the day... how do you tell apart the 'friends' from the friends?
Well recently, and I do mean over the last sort of 8 months, I've become very good friends with a girl I work with, who is around the same age as me. I usually find it really hard to get on with girls and so it came as a surprise to me when we started to get on really well at work, have long conversations and end up getting told off for talking too much - what can I say, female species for ya! We now meet up regulary, have really deep conversation and I know I could trust her with my life! I don't think I could value a friendship any more, and I feel very lucky to be able to trust this person, and be completely myself, without fear of judgement or having an 'opinion' thrust upon me.
I love the spontaneity of a true friendship! Your just lazing around with no real plans, watching music videos, sat nosing at people's pictures on facebook, talking, eating ice cream (chocolate flavour oooh yes!!) and literally enjoying the company of someone that is simply enjoying yours.
And that is how it dawned on me, you really cannot force a friendship. A relationship maybe, I can imagine that's easier to fake, but having a genuine friendship with someone is something that takes longer to create, but when you do find it, it's oh so beautiful!
Happy happy :)
Back soon for more ticking of my oh so teenage mind <3
Anyway, you can't push people into liking you, and you can't create a friendship or connection just for the sake of it, it has to be genuine.
I sound like such a cheese ball but trust me on this, it's true.
I've worked in my current job, part time thank Jesus our Lord, for about 2 years now, alongside some amazing people! I've never met as many good friends from one place! Sometimes however, it can be hard to tell if these poeple are actually friends or if they are your 'friends'.
Definition of 'friends'... Basically nosy little fuc***s that you work with, who pretend to be interested in your personal day-to-day life, because they are lame, boring and have no real friends outside of the work place. They ask personal questions about your life, pretend they care, try to share their opinion with you and give you advice you never even asked for. They share this 'opinion' about your personal life with other 'friends' and together they form a group of 'friends'... a web of gossip if you will, that intrude and poke questions at you, when all you want to do is make your money and go again... with some free food of course ;) These people are not your genuine friends, when you move away or inevitably change jobs, they will be but a distant memory and will only keep in contact through cyber space, and again will comment on your holiday pictures saying things like, "babe... looking hot, we should meet up soon", and then of course you never do!
But anyway, this leads me to my focal point for the day... how do you tell apart the 'friends' from the friends?
Well recently, and I do mean over the last sort of 8 months, I've become very good friends with a girl I work with, who is around the same age as me. I usually find it really hard to get on with girls and so it came as a surprise to me when we started to get on really well at work, have long conversations and end up getting told off for talking too much - what can I say, female species for ya! We now meet up regulary, have really deep conversation and I know I could trust her with my life! I don't think I could value a friendship any more, and I feel very lucky to be able to trust this person, and be completely myself, without fear of judgement or having an 'opinion' thrust upon me.
I love the spontaneity of a true friendship! Your just lazing around with no real plans, watching music videos, sat nosing at people's pictures on facebook, talking, eating ice cream (chocolate flavour oooh yes!!) and literally enjoying the company of someone that is simply enjoying yours.
And that is how it dawned on me, you really cannot force a friendship. A relationship maybe, I can imagine that's easier to fake, but having a genuine friendship with someone is something that takes longer to create, but when you do find it, it's oh so beautiful!
Happy happy :)
Back soon for more ticking of my oh so teenage mind <3
Monday 21 June 2010
Consume My Feet
I WANT NEW SHOES!
I'm not even kidding you, I've been walking around my house like some battered, bruised and completely bashed up 85 year old women, who has never slipped her feet into some perfectly crafted beaut's called shoes!
I will admit, I like? correction, love to go out clubbing.
I will also admit, I do like to wear ridiculous 5 inch high heels... every time I go out, which at the moment ranges from once to twice a week!
Another confession... I sort of fancy myself when I wear them.
Fake tan + Black, patent, 5 inch heels + me being the slightly arrogant girl that I am = a good combo. I think. Lets not mention the student style cocktails that are added later on, which usually result in me falling flat on my face, or in fact ASS, in a pile on the floor, with my friends, laughing until I think I'm gunna pee! (Think?? Sometimes it happens!! sshh. It's only a little bit. I swear)
FYI student style is when you and your already pissed friends decide that half vodka, half cherryade, is the way forward... thus the pre-drinks, turn into the ONLY drinks your body is able to consume, and most bouncers think your barking mad!
I'm serious though, my nights out are in fact, hilarious! I love my friends, love meeting new ones and love love love dancing until my feet bleed!!
This, however, is the issue I am having. My feet always bleed after a night out! It ruins my fun and I simply can't take it. This is why, I want some new shoes! I can't be doing with my legs buckling under my weight, remember lots of food and alcohol on stilts when drunk means your technically heavier (I think... sort of made that up but it seems true), consequently flashing at random passers by, feeling like a total wang, having leg definition... and I mean properly muscly looking legs... I do not like this!!, and then the blisters and bruises that result from it!
Men don't have this problem!! I'd dance past 5 if it wasn't for these shoes! They are actually amazing, but they hurt so bad. This is why I need new ones.
Reasons for buying new, sexier, higher shoes than ever:
1. I like to think they won't hurt as much as the previous pair
2. They are sexy. Very.
3. They are the new 'it' trend, captured in a pair of shoes
4. I love them
5. They only cost about a million pounds
I don't actually need new shoes, this was just my vain attempt to convince myself I do so that I can head off to River Island and blow another £60 on some foot munchers! It didnt really work.
Dear Feet,
I'm v.v. sorry for the pain and pressure I force you to endure. However, this is only the beginning, so learn to deal with it.
K. Thanks, Bye!
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
I'm not even kidding you, I've been walking around my house like some battered, bruised and completely bashed up 85 year old women, who has never slipped her feet into some perfectly crafted beaut's called shoes!
I will admit, I like? correction, love to go out clubbing.
I will also admit, I do like to wear ridiculous 5 inch high heels... every time I go out, which at the moment ranges from once to twice a week!
Another confession... I sort of fancy myself when I wear them.
Fake tan + Black, patent, 5 inch heels + me being the slightly arrogant girl that I am = a good combo. I think. Lets not mention the student style cocktails that are added later on, which usually result in me falling flat on my face, or in fact ASS, in a pile on the floor, with my friends, laughing until I think I'm gunna pee! (Think?? Sometimes it happens!! sshh. It's only a little bit. I swear)
FYI student style is when you and your already pissed friends decide that half vodka, half cherryade, is the way forward... thus the pre-drinks, turn into the ONLY drinks your body is able to consume, and most bouncers think your barking mad!
I'm serious though, my nights out are in fact, hilarious! I love my friends, love meeting new ones and love love love dancing until my feet bleed!!
This, however, is the issue I am having. My feet always bleed after a night out! It ruins my fun and I simply can't take it. This is why, I want some new shoes! I can't be doing with my legs buckling under my weight, remember lots of food and alcohol on stilts when drunk means your technically heavier (I think... sort of made that up but it seems true), consequently flashing at random passers by, feeling like a total wang, having leg definition... and I mean properly muscly looking legs... I do not like this!!, and then the blisters and bruises that result from it!
Men don't have this problem!! I'd dance past 5 if it wasn't for these shoes! They are actually amazing, but they hurt so bad. This is why I need new ones.
Reasons for buying new, sexier, higher shoes than ever:
1. I like to think they won't hurt as much as the previous pair
2. They are sexy. Very.
3. They are the new 'it' trend, captured in a pair of shoes
4. I love them
5. They only cost about a million pounds
I don't actually need new shoes, this was just my vain attempt to convince myself I do so that I can head off to River Island and blow another £60 on some foot munchers! It didnt really work.
Dear Feet,
I'm v.v. sorry for the pain and pressure I force you to endure. However, this is only the beginning, so learn to deal with it.
K. Thanks, Bye!
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
Sunday 20 June 2010
When the mind wanders...
I can't help but feel a massive rush of love every time I go to visit my 1 year old twin cousins, and their 4 year old sister!
They are actually so adorable!
It amazes me how small and fragile their bodies are, how innocent and pure their minds are, how sweet and cheeky they look when they smile and reach to hold your hand! They hold on to your finger with their little hands, and that's all the support they need, with that they feel comforted.
I wish the lives of adults were as simple, just holding someone's hand to feel okay!
I'm not saying I'm not okay, this is just an observation from today! haha!
I'm not broody either, heck I'm 18... waaaaaay too young for that shinanigins!!
It does intrigue me though, you know, how innocent their minds must be, not yet corrupted by the social and media storms that swirl around each of us within our daily lives.
Children have no set rules on how they go about their daily business... wanna play with my little pony, go right ahead, oh wait! I'm tired... time for my nap, and off to sleep they go!
They don't yet have cultural or social norms or values, anything goes. They don't yet have any perception of the media... they don't even know what it is (this is the twins, to be fair, the 4 year old knows everything about computers and the way sky works)
Imagine if we all just clicked re-start and all these spheres re-booted and morphed and changed into something completely new. Would it be the same as it is now? Is it inevitable that we are all interconnected by a single frame of mind?
I like to think this isn't the case.
I think the system would be the same, we'd all believe one main set of views, but maybe they would be altered! Or maybe this is all the will of a higher being than us, and everything is this way for a particular reason... maybe.
Maybe annoys me.... I want answers!!!!
I was also thinking today, whilst at work (I was seriously bored and on the verge of throwing something at someones head for pure entertainment value... think I'd get in trouble though), imagine how bad it would be if everyone spoke aloud what they were thinking in their mind.
I thought some pretty bad stuff today, and almost related this to the person it was aimed at, and then thought, oh s***!! shut up! haha!!
The secrets and innermost personal thoughts and feelings would all be on display, like literally wearing your heart (or mind rather) on your sleeve. Would this make social relationships any easier? Or would things be more scandalous and complicated than usual?
Who knows...
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
They are actually so adorable!
It amazes me how small and fragile their bodies are, how innocent and pure their minds are, how sweet and cheeky they look when they smile and reach to hold your hand! They hold on to your finger with their little hands, and that's all the support they need, with that they feel comforted.
I wish the lives of adults were as simple, just holding someone's hand to feel okay!
I'm not saying I'm not okay, this is just an observation from today! haha!
I'm not broody either, heck I'm 18... waaaaaay too young for that shinanigins!!
It does intrigue me though, you know, how innocent their minds must be, not yet corrupted by the social and media storms that swirl around each of us within our daily lives.
Children have no set rules on how they go about their daily business... wanna play with my little pony, go right ahead, oh wait! I'm tired... time for my nap, and off to sleep they go!
They don't yet have cultural or social norms or values, anything goes. They don't yet have any perception of the media... they don't even know what it is (this is the twins, to be fair, the 4 year old knows everything about computers and the way sky works)
Imagine if we all just clicked re-start and all these spheres re-booted and morphed and changed into something completely new. Would it be the same as it is now? Is it inevitable that we are all interconnected by a single frame of mind?
I like to think this isn't the case.
I think the system would be the same, we'd all believe one main set of views, but maybe they would be altered! Or maybe this is all the will of a higher being than us, and everything is this way for a particular reason... maybe.
Maybe annoys me.... I want answers!!!!
I was also thinking today, whilst at work (I was seriously bored and on the verge of throwing something at someones head for pure entertainment value... think I'd get in trouble though), imagine how bad it would be if everyone spoke aloud what they were thinking in their mind.
I thought some pretty bad stuff today, and almost related this to the person it was aimed at, and then thought, oh s***!! shut up! haha!!
The secrets and innermost personal thoughts and feelings would all be on display, like literally wearing your heart (or mind rather) on your sleeve. Would this make social relationships any easier? Or would things be more scandalous and complicated than usual?
Who knows...
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
Thursday 17 June 2010
Not My Turn To Roll A 6... Today.
Today has been sooo 'interesting'.
I've literally wasted this whole 24 hours of my life. I haven't left my house since about half past twelve, and that was only for 15 minutes to pop down to the shop for a pot noodle, feel like a complete and utter socially retarded loser with no friends and no boyfriend!
I know, I know, I broke up with him therefore I shouldn't be feeling so down about things, but I really am... I'm sort of craving that closeness again (or maybe just a little male attention, which through my own fault, I am not receiving!).
Today was supposed to be my first date as a single lady... you guessed it, I didn't go! Woops a daisy!
Okay, I didn't exactly stand him up, but I do feel awful! I agreed to go out with said guy up until last night, when I cleverly decided that a touch of facebook stalking wouldn't do any harm, you know, check out what I'm letting myself in for, check his interests, see if we have any the same, check out the situation with the laaadiiiees, is he a total player and going to string me along ("why hasn't he called!?") or is he actually a nice guy who is geniunally interested in me?
I think he was the latter, but unfortunatly THANK GOD FOR FACEBOOK STALKING!!
Yuck.
That's all I can say!
It's funny how good looking somebody becomes when you've had a few too many cocktails, Cosmopolitan's and Raspberry Miss Charlotte's of course, with your girlfriends! I remember meeting him and thinking, WOW... I actually love his hair. I remember this blonde wavy beaut' of a hair do, thought he was a bit surfer, a bit sexy and styled... checked him out on facebook,
TOTAL MOP
I remember thinking he smelled really nice... checked on facebook...
it was most likely the smell of dirty student boy who hasn't washed for three days... in his pictures he looks like he has had a freakin' shower!
So unnattractive
Call me shallow if you will, but that was reason enough for me not to go!
Safely and wisely, I had suggested a lunch date, this is prior to my facebook stalking, you know, to keep myself in the 'friend zone' ... for now until I could figure him out and see what he would find most attractive, so I could dress myself up all nice for the next date, which would obviously be a dinner date to some swanky sexy restaurant so I could wear my highest, sky-scraping stilletos that could walk all over the hearts of men everywhere... they are v. v. sexy and high (5 inches)they make me look so tall with loooooooong legs, like I should be in a Venus advert! ha!
Anyway, so yeah I suggested the lunch date, he said he would pick me up at 12, I agreed, blah blah blah, you know the score.
So, when I wake up this morning, I have a revelation... Why am I going out with this guy, who I'm sorry but is so not as attractive as I remembered, when I clearly do not want to go out with him? Why lead him along the garden path only to throw him in the pond once we reach the end?
What's the point? Yes, the free food would have been lovely, but the effort of making conversation, getting my boobs checked out every 5 minutes and pretending not to notice, then seeing some man who I would much rather jump at the chance to go out with whilst I'm sat with this loser, all seems a little too much for my frazzled girl mind to bear.
It's like I said before, sexual politics! I would have to adhere to rules and regulations of the dating Game, whilst trying to have a personality, not get on too well with him all to blow him off (not literally you scoundrel) by 3pm.
P, is for Pointless.
No thanks, I'd rather spend today doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself! :) woo hoo!
So, today I woke up at 7am, to text this guy and break the bad old news to him, so it looked like I'd actually slept on my decision, rather than facebook stalked him the night before and completely pinged (this means to see one thing about someone that is such a turn off you can't help but avoid them like the plague).
Did he reply... NOPE! Bruised ego much!?
This leads me to my point... I would have been soooo annoyed if that was me on the recieving end of that text, so why have I made one rule for myself and one for another!? It doesn't seem fair!
But that's when I realised, when your rejected, it's not actually anything too personal (most of the time.. in this case it was), it's just the ways of the Game. Play the Game, and you don't find yourself with a tub of Ben and Jerry's every weekend (it had better be Phish Food if you do though). Play the Game, and you will find yourself floating through the dating maze rather than trudging through the thick muddy crap that is the blokes you dated for the sake of it, for the 'practise'.
C'mon... we can afford to be picky! If we're/I'm gunna settle down, they had better be a good'un. Agreed? Good.
So yeah, I feel bad about saying no to him, and I feel crap about being single... today. But that's for the lack of male attention, not because it's crap to be single.
Tomorrow, I might not feel so bad. (I hope)
It makes me laugh how in the last month I've learnt so much about how this stupid Game works, you hope to roll a 6, and ending up rolling a 2... it's purely chance... so when your not expecting for your golden number to turn upwards, that's when it will appear!
Time to stop looking for it I think.
Back soon for more Tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
I've literally wasted this whole 24 hours of my life. I haven't left my house since about half past twelve, and that was only for 15 minutes to pop down to the shop for a pot noodle, feel like a complete and utter socially retarded loser with no friends and no boyfriend!
I know, I know, I broke up with him therefore I shouldn't be feeling so down about things, but I really am... I'm sort of craving that closeness again (or maybe just a little male attention, which through my own fault, I am not receiving!).
Today was supposed to be my first date as a single lady... you guessed it, I didn't go! Woops a daisy!
Okay, I didn't exactly stand him up, but I do feel awful! I agreed to go out with said guy up until last night, when I cleverly decided that a touch of facebook stalking wouldn't do any harm, you know, check out what I'm letting myself in for, check his interests, see if we have any the same, check out the situation with the laaadiiiees, is he a total player and going to string me along ("why hasn't he called!?") or is he actually a nice guy who is geniunally interested in me?
I think he was the latter, but unfortunatly THANK GOD FOR FACEBOOK STALKING!!
Yuck.
That's all I can say!
It's funny how good looking somebody becomes when you've had a few too many cocktails, Cosmopolitan's and Raspberry Miss Charlotte's of course, with your girlfriends! I remember meeting him and thinking, WOW... I actually love his hair. I remember this blonde wavy beaut' of a hair do, thought he was a bit surfer, a bit sexy and styled... checked him out on facebook,
TOTAL MOP
I remember thinking he smelled really nice... checked on facebook...
it was most likely the smell of dirty student boy who hasn't washed for three days... in his pictures he looks like he has had a freakin' shower!
So unnattractive
Call me shallow if you will, but that was reason enough for me not to go!
Safely and wisely, I had suggested a lunch date, this is prior to my facebook stalking, you know, to keep myself in the 'friend zone' ... for now until I could figure him out and see what he would find most attractive, so I could dress myself up all nice for the next date, which would obviously be a dinner date to some swanky sexy restaurant so I could wear my highest, sky-scraping stilletos that could walk all over the hearts of men everywhere... they are v. v. sexy and high (5 inches)they make me look so tall with loooooooong legs, like I should be in a Venus advert! ha!
Anyway, so yeah I suggested the lunch date, he said he would pick me up at 12, I agreed, blah blah blah, you know the score.
So, when I wake up this morning, I have a revelation... Why am I going out with this guy, who I'm sorry but is so not as attractive as I remembered, when I clearly do not want to go out with him? Why lead him along the garden path only to throw him in the pond once we reach the end?
What's the point? Yes, the free food would have been lovely, but the effort of making conversation, getting my boobs checked out every 5 minutes and pretending not to notice, then seeing some man who I would much rather jump at the chance to go out with whilst I'm sat with this loser, all seems a little too much for my frazzled girl mind to bear.
It's like I said before, sexual politics! I would have to adhere to rules and regulations of the dating Game, whilst trying to have a personality, not get on too well with him all to blow him off (not literally you scoundrel) by 3pm.
P, is for Pointless.
No thanks, I'd rather spend today doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself! :) woo hoo!
So, today I woke up at 7am, to text this guy and break the bad old news to him, so it looked like I'd actually slept on my decision, rather than facebook stalked him the night before and completely pinged (this means to see one thing about someone that is such a turn off you can't help but avoid them like the plague).
Did he reply... NOPE! Bruised ego much!?
This leads me to my point... I would have been soooo annoyed if that was me on the recieving end of that text, so why have I made one rule for myself and one for another!? It doesn't seem fair!
But that's when I realised, when your rejected, it's not actually anything too personal (most of the time.. in this case it was), it's just the ways of the Game. Play the Game, and you don't find yourself with a tub of Ben and Jerry's every weekend (it had better be Phish Food if you do though). Play the Game, and you will find yourself floating through the dating maze rather than trudging through the thick muddy crap that is the blokes you dated for the sake of it, for the 'practise'.
C'mon... we can afford to be picky! If we're/I'm gunna settle down, they had better be a good'un. Agreed? Good.
So yeah, I feel bad about saying no to him, and I feel crap about being single... today. But that's for the lack of male attention, not because it's crap to be single.
Tomorrow, I might not feel so bad. (I hope)
It makes me laugh how in the last month I've learnt so much about how this stupid Game works, you hope to roll a 6, and ending up rolling a 2... it's purely chance... so when your not expecting for your golden number to turn upwards, that's when it will appear!
Time to stop looking for it I think.
Back soon for more Tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
Tuesday 15 June 2010
Give Me 2 Hours, I'll Change Your Mind...
Isn't it funny how so much can change in such a short space of time!?
I've had 'one-of-those-days', as my Nan would call it! I woke up ridiculously early, 6.45am to be precise, to the noise of that STUPID blackberry alarm that just dinnngggsss in my ear constantly until I can drag myself off the pillow and lollop across to my desk to switch it off! (I do this purposely you see, so that I'll actually get out of bed in the mornings)
Then, I realised that somehow during the course of my 6 hour (I couldn't drift off for nerves) sleep I'd managed to strip to just my underwear... strange much? Oh, and that I had a banging headache and had slept funny on my right arm. That left me nice and prepared for my exam at 9.00am didn't it!? Haha!
So, I trapse downstairs to find my Mum making salad sarnies for everyone, wholemeal bread of course. She tells me to take a paracetemol to sort out my headache... And someway, somehow I managed to gag on the tiniest tablet I've ever seen and spat it back up again!! BEAUTIFUL!
So yeah, I get to college nice and early after sitting in traffic for half an hour (it's ten minutes down the motorway to my college), I'm stood outside the exam room reading through some notes just to be sure, and who walks past me? A girl that I was friends with for 5 years at school. She just walked by, without saying one word or acknowledging my precense... I look up and notice another girl from school that I was friendly with, catch her eye and smile... NOTHING!
This is when it hit me... alot can change in a small space of time. It's been 2 years since I left school, and in that time I've done my A Levels, and lost touch with 2 people that were important to me.
In the 2 hours that were to follow I would change the rest of my future, that exam was THE single most important exam for me this year! If I achieve an A grade, I go to the university of my dreams... to do the course I've always wanted to do... Multimedia Journalism.
And if I fail?
Then dreams are shattered.
I don't know if you've ever experienced anything like that feeling, but the nerves that boil up inside you when you know the next 2 hours are about to determine your future are uncontrollable and unbelievable! It feels like your stomach is churning (like your hanging from the night before basically, but with a few snakes and butterflies thrown in for good measure) like you need the toilet so badly, you feel sick, sweaty, lightheaded, your throat gets this huge lump in it! It's so gross.
I've never had that feeling until today.
It's a good thing my exam went well really!! haha!!
I'm pretty sure that when your nervous, adreneline kicks in. You can write an A4 side in minutes, plan things to perfection, analyse every detail. It's like everything you've been taught comes rushing back to you in a matter of minutes, filling your head with what you wish you'd remembered in the mock exam, which, if your anything like me, you dramatically failed... try 45 out of 80 for size! And that's what made you nervous in the first place!
So yeah, my mood changed almost as quickly as the exam flew by.. then I heard this song on the radio and it's like this morning never happened
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wavpWRK6IX8 (click on the link to hear it! ... its very loud FYI so turn down those boom boxes)
Wonder where I'll be in another 2 hours time?
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
I've had 'one-of-those-days', as my Nan would call it! I woke up ridiculously early, 6.45am to be precise, to the noise of that STUPID blackberry alarm that just dinnngggsss in my ear constantly until I can drag myself off the pillow and lollop across to my desk to switch it off! (I do this purposely you see, so that I'll actually get out of bed in the mornings)
Then, I realised that somehow during the course of my 6 hour (I couldn't drift off for nerves) sleep I'd managed to strip to just my underwear... strange much? Oh, and that I had a banging headache and had slept funny on my right arm. That left me nice and prepared for my exam at 9.00am didn't it!? Haha!
So, I trapse downstairs to find my Mum making salad sarnies for everyone, wholemeal bread of course. She tells me to take a paracetemol to sort out my headache... And someway, somehow I managed to gag on the tiniest tablet I've ever seen and spat it back up again!! BEAUTIFUL!
So yeah, I get to college nice and early after sitting in traffic for half an hour (it's ten minutes down the motorway to my college), I'm stood outside the exam room reading through some notes just to be sure, and who walks past me? A girl that I was friends with for 5 years at school. She just walked by, without saying one word or acknowledging my precense... I look up and notice another girl from school that I was friendly with, catch her eye and smile... NOTHING!
This is when it hit me... alot can change in a small space of time. It's been 2 years since I left school, and in that time I've done my A Levels, and lost touch with 2 people that were important to me.
In the 2 hours that were to follow I would change the rest of my future, that exam was THE single most important exam for me this year! If I achieve an A grade, I go to the university of my dreams... to do the course I've always wanted to do... Multimedia Journalism.
And if I fail?
Then dreams are shattered.
I don't know if you've ever experienced anything like that feeling, but the nerves that boil up inside you when you know the next 2 hours are about to determine your future are uncontrollable and unbelievable! It feels like your stomach is churning (like your hanging from the night before basically, but with a few snakes and butterflies thrown in for good measure) like you need the toilet so badly, you feel sick, sweaty, lightheaded, your throat gets this huge lump in it! It's so gross.
I've never had that feeling until today.
It's a good thing my exam went well really!! haha!!
I'm pretty sure that when your nervous, adreneline kicks in. You can write an A4 side in minutes, plan things to perfection, analyse every detail. It's like everything you've been taught comes rushing back to you in a matter of minutes, filling your head with what you wish you'd remembered in the mock exam, which, if your anything like me, you dramatically failed... try 45 out of 80 for size! And that's what made you nervous in the first place!
So yeah, my mood changed almost as quickly as the exam flew by.. then I heard this song on the radio and it's like this morning never happened
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wavpWRK6IX8 (click on the link to hear it! ... its very loud FYI so turn down those boom boxes)
Wonder where I'll be in another 2 hours time?
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teenage mind <3
Monday 14 June 2010
Where do I start!?
I'm lost in cyber space and don't exactly know what I want to say or how I'm planning on saying it. There's too much to talk about and too much information for me to compress into my stupidly tiny brain. There's alot going on my life... some boring and some not so much, but where do I actually begin... 1992 when I was born and the madness began, or right from today!? Are there rules, regulations, obligations, unwritten rules that I should know about... or do I just let loose? I'm not sure if I'm feeling the lack of guidlines!
I'm new at blogging
... can you tell?
So instead of firing loads of random questions into no-where, I might actually just say something worthwhile now, something thats been playing on my mind alllll day!
...
What is with all these sexual politics!?
I thought it was supposed to be simple!
(I'm newly single FYI after breaking up with long-term boyfriend... and havent been a singleton since I was 16... So this is all VERY new)
Seriously I thought it was supposed to be as simple as ABC, dot-to-dot...
you go on your girls night out in short skirt and mountainous shoes,
you see nice looking boy,
you look at him a few too many times (your drunk probably),
you head to the bar,
you see boy follow,
you talk to nice boy,
you ask him/he asks you to dance... if we like we accept the offer, dance till feet bleed and then get phone number and text next day... if we don't like, we walk away or politely refuse!
So why oh why do I now have to wait at least 15 minutes before I reply to a text so I don't look so available all the time! My phone is actually next to me, I'm just choosing to ignore you so that you think I'm busy, when in reality I'm sat on facebook, stuffing my face with pizza in my trackies, because I'm hanging out my back end!
And what about the dancing... wait for him to make the first move, you don't want to be looking too interested! Well what if I am bloody interested? Men are definately not mindreaders so how will he know unless I make this clear, he's already asked me to dance so it's known he doesnt think I look like a whale in a jumpsuit.
The first dates are always the most interesting though... more politics. I have to dress nice, but not too nice, act aloof, but not too aloof, ask questions, but not too many! What ever happened to being yourself and if they don't like it... fudge 'em! There's plenty more fish in the sea ready for the dating game!
I do have a first date coming up this week actually... so I will be updating. And maybe another first date... if a certain someone stops playing so hard to get ... ha!
I've met two guys... one from a night out, the other a work friend (I didn't just meet him obviously, I just re-met him in a different way, (not like that you dirty so-and-so), on a night out... twice, and once at work!) I do like him, he is a good kisser too, but I don't want a relationship... so how do I play it? We text alot, make eyes across the room at work and flirt like we've been in prison for 40 years... but what will happen? And why do I care so much?
"All I wanna do, is have some fun...I got a feeling, that I'm not the only one"
Double Mwah and Love, back soon for more ticking of my oh-so teenage mind <3
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