I've recently discovered that in my odd mental state, the one where I think I'm fat and have loads of skanky scabbo spots on my face, I have found 1 thing that equals 1 VERY bad idea...
2 words
MAGNIFYING
MIRROR
Great. Literally just fabulous.
As if I needed something to validate to me the state of my face. I cleverly decided that my eyebrows were in need of some serious loving and that borrowing my Mumma's magnifying mirror to make sure I extract every single hair so that I have beautifully flawless and fantasticimo eyebrows, was a good idea. It turned out to be one the worst things I could have ever done!
Not only did it blow my face up to the size of some enormous balloon that would enivitably pop in the face of a young child and make them scream, it made me focus on one part of my face, and one part only, at any one time.
Strike one!
Eyebrows plucked more than ever intended to. Look like actual frickin' chicken
Strike two!
Face is burning with redness after plucking unnecesarily at 'stray hairs' that I thought I'd found (thought I was growing old before my time on this one... slight tash at the age of 18, no thanks, I'd rather have hairy toes... another story friends)
Strike three!
Totally mishapen wonky eyebrows. 3 year old would have done much much better job. Looking like I've got 2 catapillers that have been starved to death crawling across to the sides of my face to nibble on my ears... yum?
Why did anyone ever think that a mirror that magnifys your face would be a good idea!!? WHY!?
Not only did the before mentioned afflict itself apon me, I also managed to fixate myself on my nose, convince myself that those tiny black pin-prick sized dots are huge alien spots, and continue to squeeze and torture my face for the next hour, until I'd somehow had my fill. Note::: entire face was red by this point, skin peeling from nose (OUCH) and little droplets of blood were making a break for it, trickling down my nose trying to join their little friends that already managed to leak out onto the very nice fluffy white towels in my mothers bathroom.
Then I took a step back, to admire my work if you will, thinking that up close I didn't look that bad, so surely when I turned the mirror around to see myself in normal circumstances I would be full of the fabulous gene, new and improved from all my facial 'reconstruction' ready to make people hate me for flawlessness.
Well if someone had dragged me backwards through a hedge / rose bush, rubbed kathcup in my eyes till they watered like a bitch, hit me around the nose serveral times with a possibly large hammer, dropped a brick on me, stabbed at me with kiddies forks, played dot to dot on my face with a pink permenant marker, rubbed kitchen oil and grease around my eyes and face, used a rolling pin as their new favourite 'lets beat up Char' device and then thrown me down the stairs... it would have looked impecible in comparison to how I looked right there and then.
Well we all learn from our mistakes (apparently... for many, including me, this is deff not the case... I have many examples up my sleeve but I will only share this one... Ben and Jerrys makes me ill, like stomach cramping ill, and I eat it pretty much every weekend... I shall never learn, nor want to learn this very hard lesson!)
So that's why my Mum never let me use that mirror before...
Should come with a warning, 'only for proper grown ups' (who can manage their own eyebrows)
Back soon for more tickings of my oh so teen mind <3
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