I don't know if everyone thinks the same way I do, but I have always thought that when using PT (public transport) there are unwritten rules that apply. Recently though, I have noticed that many tend to ignore/trample all over/completely piss on these rules, displaying no sense of group respect that fellow travellers do follow. Usually I would turn a blind eye, but I honestly couldn't believe my eyes at these encounters, and thought you'd find them as funny as I do now I'm excluded from the situation!
Examples you ask?? Many.
This weekend I've decided to come home, as lovely as my life with no money or home comforts is at university I really REALLY miss my double bed, so decided that I needed an escape... sort of like a mini holiday! To me, a holiday starts the second you leave the door. So, there's me, coat clad with THE heaviest bag known to man (including a laptop, a LOT of make up and hair products and some shoes) trapsing down the road towards the bus stop ... glamourous image! So... seeing me in this 'state' Mr I-Own-The-Pavement not only stares me up and down as we walk towards one another, he smirks at the bag of goodies then proceeds to continue walking faster yet towards me, without moving out the way, when I dodge, he dodges, like he actually wants me to 'accidentally' smack his bollocks with giant hacki-sac of rocks until they shrink into the size of raisens screaming "WHYYYY?" It's like he saw me in my state and purposely decided to be a pavement hogging bully!! How rude. Worse still, this appalling excuse for a pedestrian then pressed on with being vile and checked me out VERY obviously. (Okay okay you think I feel genuinely secretly a little flattered... but I honestly was not in the mood to be flattered by some old guy who looks like a fish monger... really?? no thanks) So this was lack of unwritten PT (sort of) rules for my journey home.
Then, I get to the bus stop. I sit down next to someone who I couldn't even describe as male or female (lets just say if it's questionable, it's never a good thing... unless of course that's the look your going for, each to their own!) They then decided that my bag was far too intimidating and promptly stood up... preferring to stand rather than have me sat next to them. So then there's the awkward feeling of 'oh shit do I smell bad?' and then trying to secretly smell yourself in a public place without anybody noticing. Or is that there is a giant condom wrapper stuck to my shoe? Or a big bogey sticking out my nose... BATS IN THE CAVE!! What did I do, why was I rejected by a seemingly transexual at the bus stop midday on a Friday? Do I not look good enough to sit next to and forever be linked to through this bus stop experience? Clearly not.
Ahh well... after this person wanted to share no part of their day with anybody in public... Mr My-Phone-Is-My-1-True-Love-In-Life wanted to share his entire day. I've found there are certain people in this world who just happen to be unlucky at choosing seats on PT... I so happen to be one of them. Drawn to unique-ness and obscurities I often, accidentally might I add, pick the worst seat on the bus. I flop down relieved to no longer be weighed by enormous bag onto a seat behind a man who appears to have torrettes and cannot stop moving his head and shaking it dramatically every time someone of ethnic origin happens to climb aboard the PT shitty express. Great, a wiggly racist. Then, Mr I-Love-My-Phone joins the 'gang' of stragglers and within 30 seconds the iphone 4G is ringing away, he picks up, lips slightly parted begins to speak, but hang on wait...
Some Turkish monster has taken over his entire body and is extremely angry with the poor bastard on the end of line... his buttocks rise slightly from his seat as if he is skiing on Wii sports, with slightly less grace... think of a small child trying to fart in public quietly whilst sat down! (a small child/me!? what... I have no idea what your talking about?! :-0) He clenches his fists, knuckles turning purple with the anticipation of what other Turkish monster is going to reply with, what will his come back be? Well the entire bus seems utterly overjoyed with the 'conversation' phone lover is having, wiggly racist in particular, and all can hear both sides of the story. Of course, this is England, I am English, and frankly, do not understand nor speak Turkish, so to me it was like the incredible drone of a baby crying in a changing room - annoying, overpowering on all emotion in your body and incredibly frustrating.
Not only did I want to hurl this piece of machinery down the bus and through the windscreen just to entertain and change the atmosphere, I also wanted to hunt down and personally attack whoever it was that kept calling him! Wonderful start to my holiday actually...
Thankfully, people on the train had slightly more manners than these. Oh, that is apart from that awkward moment when you catch somebodies eye by accident and they linger a little too long, and then you spend the entire train journey trying to not look in their direction just in case the paths of our retinas happen to cross once more. I enjoy people watching - I consider it one of many strange hobbies that every human being possess' whether they know it consciously or not. It's always, what ARE they wearing, oh dear her pants are tucked in her knickers or I wonder what they're listening to on their ipod. human behaviour is something all other humans are interested in - just not when it involves bad manners in public spheres!
Okay, I know I am a little anal for feeling worked up by my encounters with those from planet moron who haven't yet been trained in PT manners, but it bothers me!
What happens if it becomes acceptable for people to start picking through your hair and eating the bugs buried within - lets remain slightly civilised please.
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