Loneliness

I always thought before I moved away to Uni that I would be fine living by myself. Okay granted I'm technically not alone, I do have three housemates, but really I am alone - I'm with strangers. In a house of other people who are also alone.
This past few weeks I've realised how lonely it can be, living on your own.
I don't mind my own company, I can mess around being a general loser having hairbrush singing moments as often as I like, eating everything without feeling bad or like a disgusting pig, stay in trackies all day and do the clean freak thing.
But who am I kidding?
Being on your own sucks. I obviously am one of these people-persons... but I'm starting to wonder why the lack of constant human interaction is what is getting me down? Why does that make me feel like this?

I don't think I will ever understand it, it's just depressing!

I am one of these people that live for the weekend - so to speak. I LOVED weekends back home, I could get loads of stuff done ... go visit a member of my enormous family, catch up with friends, chill out completely, club club club, buy new clothes, work.

And now... I have no money so it's not like I can go out loads. And I live far away from town unlike all my friends so I'd have to pay for a taxi - soooo expensive - especially when your ALONE because all your housemates have left you and gone home for the weekend, for the millionenth weekend running. So my friends are out, my housemates are out, what am I doing?

When your alone, you think too much. Time passes slowly and you find yourself embroiled in pointless activity after pointless activity, ending up with boiled mashed brain for breakfast the next day. It makes you think... the alone bug creeps in... paranoia sets in, worthlessness.

I sound a bit suicidal sorry!! haha... I'm not but I've found myself writing this at one of the moments I've just described - at the bottom of the pit when you get all stupid and emotional.